in this manner

i love you the hard way, the way that clings stubbornly to what isn't there -
jagged fingernails biting into soft earth and i'm dangling over cliffside,
fighting a freefall. right? that's the way i love you. the hard way, like
giving birth - hours on end of pain and pain and pain, needles, antiseptic
latex hands, spread wide and i'm bloody and aching and vulnerable. you
see how i love you? faking it 'till i make it, deluding myself into believing one
lie by telling myself it's the truth - shiny veneer stretched over a cracked surface
and i'm nothing like an angel, nothing like a sweetheart, not if being an angel means
never wanting to taste you on my tongue, not if being a sweetheart means never wanting
to kiss you unconscious. it's the hard way. and you'd like it. if i loved you hard, body crashing
into body, heated words, a rushed litany of every dark, dirty, needy desire - it's a craving for
pain and power and control and i'd be on my knees steady and unwavering. the hard way i love you is all about wishing long past sunrise and lighting candles long after the magic's gone -
hold me tight when it means nothing - i'm smiling like i know it but on the inside, deep
deep inside, i still love you like a disease that doesn't ever die and it's a hard way to live.